Today’s TL;DR post presented in four parts.
Find below an outline for the post so that you can better navigate this week’s installment of bilge:
In part 1, I lament my egregious inability to respond to comments.
In part 2, I display hypochondriacal tendencies.
In part 3, I bore everyone with my life plans.
In part 4, I declare that I will take the month “off” (ish) from running (not really, but kind of).
Part 1. I assume no one has noticed this, but since I have a habit of calling attention to even my most inconsequential deficiencies and apologizing for them, let’s plow ahead and do it:
I have become a complete thug about replying to comments. I read every single one (you know, all three) through email and love them all and think, “Oh, that person is so cool! What an insightful point! What a good idea! What a funny comment! Let’s be best friends!” or whatever and remind myself to go reply and then I completely drop the ball and two weeks have passed and I still haven’t acknowledged them and it’s become awkwardly late to reply because the internet is all about instant interaction so I am a failure. This has been the pattern for about my last four posts.
So, please do not feel as if you have to read or comment upon this asshattery. Also, do you nuts really want me to join twitter, or am I secretly the butt of some twitter joke I don’t know about? I can’t tell. Either way, it should be blindingly apparent that I suck at the internet.
Part 2. Ever since I got sick back in March, I have been feeling like Garbage (yes, capitalized). At first the garbagey feeling was limited to running, but it has spread into regular life as well, and I wake up every day feeling foggy, terrible, and pining for the next opportunity to lie down. I initially attributed this nonsense to the changing of seasons, but as April yielded no improvements it is now worth mulling over potential causes for my continued sluggishness:
1. I didn’t take any downtime after that 10K PR. Instead, I resumed my running routine without even thinking about it. Looking back, that was perfect timing for a break.
2. I have nothing to train for. In the past I was not a huge “trainer” for races and I sort of just moseyed around, but I’ve come to depend on the sense of purpose and direction a goal race affords me. With nothing compelling on the horizon race-wise, keeping my mileage up is feeling pointless, which probably contributes to feeling so eghghhhlslh.
3. My thyroid is being a fool. My senior year of high school, I had thyroid surgery to remove a suspicious lump. The surgery was easy and the lump turned out to be benign, but in the year and a half following, I felt like twelve tons of awful until we figured out a dosage of thyroid replacement hormone/vitamin D that helps me be a functional human. Sometimes that stuff gets mysteriously messed up again and I feel crummy for awhile, which might be what is going on now.
4. I am a hypochondriac completely overthinking a normal pattern of fatigue. Truthfully, this might all be in my head.
Part 3. So I’m still leaving this open, but for right now the tentative plan is to head to Philadelphia (…hi flo!) for school this fall.
Isn’t it odd how you can be content to keep doing what you’re doing until you make a decision that throws your whole outlook into a new focus?
Ever since I submitted my intent to enroll form, I have been itchy to move on from this town. Work is getting semi-stressful with conflicting schedules to juggle and I am operating at maximum office troll capacity with all the blood-pressure-spike-phone-ringing and it’s back to raining all the time so as shooting-a-gift-horse-in-the-maw as this sounds, I find myself eagerly anticipating life after Juneau.
New running routes, and studying things again, and (call me crazy, but) writing papers! YES. I don’t care what anyone says, I am thrilled about the prospect of trading in answering phones for researching/writing papers/doing projects. Let some other fresh-out-of-undergrad sucker be the one to lick all the envelopes and adlib answers to all the befuddling questions people ask over the phone!
Maybe after graduate school I will even manage to secure a full-time job instead of three part-time ones. Or, oh. Maybe I will be unemployed and several K in debt.
Someone tell me to settle down. You know in four months I’m going to be six-cylinder whining about school being stressful and life being lonely and Philadelphia being packed with concrete and traffic lights.
I guess all I’m trying to say is, I’m looking forward to it.
Part 4. I’m taking a break from my usual running routine this week for a few reasons:
1. As detailed above, I’ve been feeling physically and mentally wrecked and want to give things a chance to right themselves.
2. I want the mental stimulation of something new and the opportunity to do something else — like erg. Until today, I hadn’t touched an erg in months. I am horrifically out of rowing shape, but the prospect of moving to Philly — Boathouse Row! The Schuylkill! — makes me entertain the idea of revisiting team rowing. Although I probably won’t, because rowing is expensive and running is just easier, life-wise.
3. I felt myself getting a little neurotic about hitting certain miles each week, and I don’t want to be chained to that. I’m not training for anything right now so there’s no reason to be mileage hogging. Higher mileage is fine and dandy when it’s fun and you look forward to it, but the second it starts feeling like a chore, no thanks, let’s avoid the whole mental burnout and/or compulsive exercise thing.
Anyway, happy Friday. This weekend, I am pet-sitting for two high-maintenance-yet-fantastic hunting dogs and a spatially-challenged cat. One of the dogs has to run on the treadmill every morning and evening for a total of 5-6 miles daily. I mean, what. Animals are hilarious.