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“I’ve lost the bottom of my shoe,” she announced soullessly.


I have this … thing for puns. Specifically Tom Swifties. I wish I were quick enough to come up with them in large quantities on my own, but I’m not, so I spend most of my pun-devoted brain-space just appreciating clever ones that other people invent.

That said, it won’t stop me from sharing a few goofy running-related attempts and adaptations of my own:

  • “I need lighter shoes to race in,” he said flatly.
  • “You have inflammation between your heel and the ball of your foot,” the trainer said archly.
  • “Why is my pulse so high?” She asked heartily.
  • “Shall we tack on one more loop with this hill?” –  “No thank you, I prefer downhills,” he declined.
  • “There’s no more Gatorade,” the volunteer said drily.
  • “To reduce wind resistance, I was thinking about shaving my legs,” he deferred.
  • “I love this gel flavor!” she oozed.
  • “This race is for women only,” the director announced guilelessly.
  • “I can’t find my shoes!” Abebe Bikila said defeatedly.
  • “Don’t you think you should slow down?” The faster runner asked, treading lightly.
  • “Does it feel like the patellar tendonitis you’ve experienced before?” The doctor needled.

Ba dm chhhhhh.

Can you think of more?


Training log excerpts:

Yesterday: AM: 11 mile run – including 3 x 5′ at 10K pace (5′ trot recovery), and 5×1′ at 5K pace (2′ jog recovery), + 12′ barefoot running. Notes: Hamstring didn’t hurt at all during the barefoot running. What? Breakthrough! At first I thought I was imagining it, but no, the shoes are definitely a factor here. As soon as I put them back on, the nagging hammy returned. Time to look into less chunky trainers. Has anyone made a transition into more minimalist shoes? I’ve been wearing the Pegasus for years but would like to start alternating in a slighter shoe with a smaller heel.  

PM: Extremely challenging upper body/ab circuit (~50′ total) Notes: I actually pushed the weights and tried to work myself to failure. Due to laziness, I have not lifted this intensely in about two years. As a consequence, I can barely type today. It hurts.

Today: AM: Embarrasingly slow 15 KM (70′) on the erg, broken up with 1:30′ at a reasonable pace followed by 1:30′ of paddling. Notes: I was feeling tired and lazy and my abs and arms were weeping on every stroke. Finished with 20′ of stat. bike. Got so sweaty that I left Nike Air Pegasus waffle shoe sweat-prints all over the porch and then had to clean them up or else later face the wrath of those who might care. Upon further review, they’re still there in spite of my scrubbing. What the heck! Don’t tell anyone.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. 08/04/2010 11:37

    Glad the hammy didn’t hurt on your run! Maybe it was the barefoot running after all? I really want to try it!

    • 08/05/2010 19:55

      Yeah, it was definitely a magic switch for this particular ache! I should be careful not to overdo the barefoot though.

  2. 08/04/2010 16:27

    hahah love the puns. sadly i am not cleaver enough either to come up with my own. i totally admire people who can 🙂

    and wooooooooooot to no hammy pain! that’s awesome and something worth cheering about 🙂

  3. 08/04/2010 21:19

    UGH! You and my mom should get a Tom Swifty room. I remember dinners filled with her making those puns and then giggling, while my dad and I stared at her in unamused silence.

    “I hate pumping iron,” she said weightily.
    “My wife need to be buff,” he espoused.
    “And it’s a real turn-on!” he ejaculated.

    It wore off on me, I guess.

    • 08/05/2010 19:53

      Don’t deny your skills. My fave thing about puns is that you don’t even have to laugh at them. You can just miss a beat and respond by saying, “Ohhhhhhhh!” in a “I’m humoring you, but that was awkward and painful” voice.

  4. 08/05/2010 14:40

    If anything I’ve switched to shoes with more cushioning. I’m totally afraid of running barefoot (for no real reason).

  5. Delana permalink
    08/05/2010 21:37

    Have you read Born to Run, CBAL?


  1. Terrible running puns revisited. « Sweaty Kid.

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